Thriving Alcohol-Free with Mocktail Mom

EP 104 Restoring Confidence and Clarity Through an Alcohol-Free Journey With Lilly Bogis

• Deb, Mocktail Mom • Season 1 • Episode 104

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Hey friends! Guess what? We’ve got Lilly from @MocktailsWithLilly in the house today! She’s serving up her radiant energy, gorgeous mocktail inspo, and some seriously good chats about thriving in an alcohol-free life.

Lilly’s been alcohol-free for over four years now, and she’s absolutely glowing as she gears up to welcome her first baby (a boy!) into the world. We talk about all the things—her NYC mocktail adventures, how puzzles and audiobooks became her sobriety sidekicks, and why destigmatizing alcohol-free living is her mission. Oh, and don’t miss her tips for mocktail magic that’ll make any night feel special.

Whether you’re all-in on Dry January, thinking about taking a break, or just want to sip something pretty, this episode will inspire you to rethink the glass in your hand. Cheers to Lilly and to creating lives we love!


Get in touch with Lilly!

Website | Instagram | TikTok

Head to The Mocktail Summit to access all the replays!

You are loved. Big Time Cheers!

Deb:

Buckle up, friends, and welcome to the Thriving Alcohol-Free Podcast. I'm your host, deb, otherwise known as Mocktail Mom, a retired wine drinker that finally got sick and tired of spinning on life's broken record called Detox to Retox. Let this podcast be an encouragement to you. If alcohol is maybe a form of self-care for you, where you find yourself dragging through the day waiting to pour another glass, I am excited to share with you the fun of discovering new things to drink when you aren't drinking and the joy of waking up each day without a hangover. It is an honor to serve as your sober, fun guide. So sit back and relax or keep doing whatever it is you're doing. This show is produced for you with love from the great state of Kentucky. Thanks so much for being here and big time cheers, okay, hey, friends, welcome back to Thriving Alcohol-Free Podcast. I'm so happy I have a Lilly in the house with us. I have my own Lily. Lily here lives with me, but I have Lilly of Mocktails with Lilly joining me today. Lilly, how are you?

Lilly:

I'm doing well, Thank you. Yeah, I'm doing well. I'm about six months pregnant with my first baby, a baby boy. So just, you know, preparing for his arrival, you know navigating the world pregnant. So yeah, I'm doing really well.

Deb:

Oh well, you are glowing and you are so beautiful and I absolutely love following you on Instagram, like anybody who's not following you. Please, everybody, right now, go follow at Mocktails with Lilly it's L-I-L-L-Y, so two L's in the middle there and also on TikTok. So if you're on TikTok, follow her. Your account is just like bingeable, pinterest worthy. It's gorgeous mocktails and they're delicious, but I mean you just make everything look so pretty. So if you have those pretty accounts which is not mine mine is like here I don't know what I'm doing, but here throw it all in a cup and have a drink. People.

Lilly:

Yours is, I have to say. Deva Blake, first of all thank you for having me on your podcast, but second of all, thank you for just being such a light like, just your enthusiasm, your joy, like every time you pop up on my feed, like and I know this is true for your whole community just makes my day, brings up the energy, and just a little burst of joy every time you're on my screen Good, good, good, good, okay, good.

Deb:

That makes me so happy because that's what I want to do, Just yes, we're just, we're having fun, right. We're not just having fun. We're still having fun, yeah, okay, I'm going to read your bio. I'm going to attempt to read your bio. My audience knows that I am the worst at reading out loud. Here we go, deb, back in school going to read Lily's bio, and I was laughing because your name is spelled L-I-L-L-Y. And my daughter Lily is

Deb:

L-I-L-Y right, yeah. So when she was little somebody asked she's a literalist. I mean like so much, so it's so funny. So somebody asked her once she was like maybe like I don't know, second grade, you know whatever. And they're like oh, is it Lily with two L's or one?

Deb:

And she's like two, because to her there there are two L's in her. I know when people ask me that I'm the same, I'm like three, three, yeah, exactly yeah. So you need to say three and my Lily needs to say two. Okay, this Lilly is the creator behind Instagram account at mocktails with Lilly, where she shares mocktail recipes and alcohol-free lifestyle content. As a former ballerina hello, Lilly has spent the past 10 years working in the finance industry, most recently advising companies in the media and consumer industries. Lilly has been living an alcohol-free, sober life for four years. She loves connecting with others who are sober or rethinking their relationship with alcohol. Lilly is a Boston native and currently lives with her husband in New York City, where you can find her trying new workout classes, tasting zero-proof menus around the city or at home cooking. Puzzling oh, you like puzzles? Yeah. Or hosting a game night. You like puzzles? I hate puzzles.

Lilly:

Oh, my God, that's so funny I have one that I started a thousand pieces that I'm like it's been a real struggle, though I got very into it in the pandemic around the time when I stopped drinking, actually Because sitting down watching TV was just like one of those triggers for me. So I was like I needed something different, so I did puzzles plus audiobooks. I love a good mystery and that combo was and mocktails, of course, was kind of like the trifecta for me in my very early days of alcohol-free living.

Deb:

Yeah, Okay, so July 30th, that's your soberversary, is that right? So this last July was four years, like four and a half years alcohol-free Incredible. Could you have ever imagined living an alcohol-free lifestyle?

Lilly:

No. So I was definitely always kind of like the party girl you know life of the party but also was relatively I think I hate the term like high-functioning alcoholic because it implies that some alcoholics are more successful. It's like just the alcohol is the problem and it manifests in different ways. But so I grew up my sister actually was partied very hard in college, went to rehab, has been in AA for must be over 15 years now and she's just been such an inspiration for me. But it's funny because you mentioned this in the intro of your book as well I kind of almost having a sister who went to AA very early, almost reinforced this perception that there are people who have a problem drinking and she had to drop out of school, perception that there are people who have a problem drinking and you know she had to drop out of school. So people who you know, if you're drinking in the morning or you're dropping out of school or you can't keep a job, like then you have a problem and everybody else can drink however they want and it's like okay, and I think that almost I don't want to say kept me drinking longer.

Lilly:

But you know I was always. You know I went to graduate school, you know, worked in finance in New York but drinking was just became more and more of a crutch, something that I really leaned on to unwind to, you know escape my you know feelings and emotions, that you know judgmental voice in your brain that's always kind of there hovering. You know I was able to quiet it with alcohol. Yeah, the biggest thing for me was that alcohol started to impact. It really impacted my ability to keep promises to myself, so like my self-trust and my self-esteem. So you know whether it was I said I didn't want to drink. That night I would inevitably have that glass of wine and you know, in working in finance, that first glass of wine was sometimes like when I got home at like 11 pm or midnight from like a long workday and you know missing workout classes and you know, on my worst nights you know picking fights with friends and boyfriends, just kind of like doing things that really did not feel genuine to myself, not keeping promises to myself, and that sort of cycle really like wore me down.

Lilly:

And then come the pandemic happy hour was at six and there was a five, and then it was at two and then it was two o'clock who knows when we were in our sweatpants, exactly, and so I think that, like was a bit of a wake up call to me, where I was like I could see this going. This is slippery slope. I could see this going in, you know, a more dangerous direction, and also I think just the pandemic made everyone more health conscious. But also, just like, how do you want to spend your days? You know, like in those early days we didn't know if we would be able to, you know, go to a concert again or go skiing. So it was just sort of wanting to take control of my life and how I spent my time, and I think being really present and intentional about my time, about my relationships, was really a big part of being alcohol-free. I forget what the original question was, but you got me chatting of being alcohol-free.

Deb:

I forget what the original question was, but you got me chatting. You're mid-pandemic. I mean, that's July, right? So it's just a few months into the pandemic. I got sober. I stopped drinking December 31st, so a few months, half a year or so after you. So how was that just a few months in? So you've been like okay, yeah, we were all drinking at, we all shouldn't speak for everyone in the world, but many of us were drinking, you know, earlier in the day than we had had before the pandemic. And so how was that to like kind of go okay, today I'm starting, what was it that day that was like so different?

Lilly:

Well, I should say, I mean, I think probably the year leading up to that date I had been questioning, so I had been reading a lot of Quitlet, you know, addiction memoirs. I think Holly's book Quit Like a Woman had come out around that time and you know, reading that I got very political. Alcohol's part of the patriarchy, like I. Just, you know, I kind of got very. I felt like my eyes were opened to something that you know, living in New York City, working in finance, I went to business school before that, like drinking was just more than accepted, it was just, it was a part of the culture.

Lilly:

Sure, and in New York City it's changing, which is wonderful, but you know, still the weekends is like it's just brunch. You start drinking at brunch and you just keep going, so it's like the main activity. So I think I had started questioning my relationship before and spent many months actually, you know, saying I was going to stop throwing out all the wine in my kitchen. You know, come five o'clock ordering, exactly, and then you could order it on Drizzly or Minibar and you're in Manhattan, it's like at your door in 20 minutes. So yeah, oh, wow.

Deb:

I love Kentucky. Yeah, there's no. So oh wow, yeah. Oh wow, Kentucky yeah, there's no. Well, maybe there is that, I don't know. Good thing. I didn't know about it. I guess it's good.

Lilly:

It's dangerous. But yeah so, yeah, so it wasn't just sort of all at once, but I think just the pandemic and everything that it brought up was kind of the last straw for me.

Deb:

I think that's so true. I mean, I feel like there's like that quiet voice, you know, almost like when you're watching the news, you know, and they have like the ticker at the bottom and it's almost like I know. For me going through, like my day before I stopped drinking, it was kind of like that constant ticker of a lot of head chatter of about drinking, like oh well, I threw away all that wine last night, I'm going to go ahead and go buy some, but also, like I think I need to stop, is also part of those headlines running through your mind. And it's like it's okay to really listen to that little voice. You know, when you're in the shower and it's that little voice that's talking to you like my gosh, I did it again last night, you know or laying down at bed at night. That voice that you're we're talking to ourselves all day, right, might as well say good things right.

Lilly:

Exactly, I know, and I think a lot of the times too, it's at least for me I felt like what's wrong with me Because everyone around me is drinking First of all, you don't know anyone else's situation or story, you know. But also, like it's, you know, alcohol is a known addictive substance and so and I have full, you know, full respect for people who can drink and want it in their lives I'm not, you know For sure, but for me, you know, it was not working for me and it was not my fault, you know. So I think, just kind of like coming to terms with the fact that, like it was just like a bad relationship, that like I really wanted to continue but was not good for me. And so, yeah, slowly listening to that voice, as you say, and making that change was, it was life-changing for me.

Deb:

So that's so true it is. It's like a bad relationship that, like you know, isn't good for you. But you're like, I want to go back. I know like I grieved. I mean I grieved my Chardonnay. I mean I just I wanted to have a funeral for it. It was like, please, like, can we please resurrect the Chardonnay from the dead, because I would just like, you know, a one night stand, just a one night stand.

Lilly:

So true, I know, and the things that we do, like the mental gymnastics, to try to keep it in your life. Did it like spend a lot of time and energy on that?

Deb:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's freeing, isn't it, to not have that, to just be like, okay, now I'm not not drinking, and again, like, no judgment if you can moderate I can't, but it's like, yeah, to be free now of that all that head chatter. Yeah, so were you engaged at the time? No, you weren't engaged even yet. So were you with your husband?

Lilly:

I was not. I was with with a prior boyfriend in the pandemic, and then I met my current husband in late gosh 2021, december 2021.

Deb:

Okay, oh, so he's never known you as a drinker. You had your wedding alcohol-free. How was?

Lilly:

that, yeah, good, we had. You know, we had a full bar for our guests but we served naughty, non-alcoholic Chardonnay, which is like one of my favorites and a lot of the people actually. We had non-alcoholic beer as well. I think we had Heineken and maybe one other, and then I had a signature mocktail, of course, which was like a watermelon agua fresca, watermelon lime drink. And what was fun and interesting for me to see was how many of my friends who were drinking wanted to try the non-alcoholic drinks because my husband's in his 40s. His friends are older. People are like, you know, if you're hanging out at a five-hour wedding, you can't be drinking all the time. So it was really cool to see, you know, I think, just like.

Deb:

That's some non-alcoholic options for us old people. It's dukes out, mix it in, we can't take. We cannot take this for five hours, that's for sure.

Lilly:

Exactly, and so that was fun because it was, like. You know, my mission is like ultimately just to destigmatize non-alcoholic drinks and alcohol-free living. So, whether that's for a lifetime like I've chosen, or for a sober month, sober January coming up or dry January, excuse me, or for a night, you know, I just think to normalize it so it's not like kaboo and yeah.

Deb:

I love that. When you said de, did you say demystifying alcohol-free living?

Lilly:

Or destigmatizing, I think.

Deb:

Destigmatizing Sorry, Sorry, I'm demystifying it too for some people. Yeah for sure, Maybe for them too. So yeah, destigmatizing it, yes, because it's like, even if it's just for a weekend or just take a little break for a month, you know when this episode comes out I think it's going to be January it's like maybe you're just taking a break, Maybe right now you're just saying I just want to take see how I feel, you know, and maybe you'll continue or maybe not. It's okay.

Lilly:

Exactly and just to have it be more normal, you don't have to feel like you're in a Spanish Inquisition if you don't have alcohol in your drink at a party. You know that's changing, which is great that is changing.

Deb:

That is that's so good. Okay, that's so good, okay. So how did mocktails become an important part of your recovery or, you know, just your journey into alcohol-free living?

Lilly:

Yeah, so I think, similar to you, I really needed some. I needed a glass in my hand. Also, in the pandemic, you know, there was no marker of time.

Deb:

We was working from home and then I would you know, shift to the other side of my couch and it would be off work To watch a movie. Exactly, I'm clocking out.

Lilly:

I'm going to the right side now, so having a mocktail non-alcoholic drink was like a great way for me to, you know, continue to have my fancy wine glass, really mark the end of the day and also just still have that ritual. And for me it was very, very simple at the beginning. It was like half kombucha, half sparkling water. Sometimes I would put, I would crush up some like a jalapeno or put something like fun in there, and that was my you know mocktail for those first couple of months and then, I think, just getting into the, the culture and the different flavors, the community, I mean the community on Instagram, is just incredible, isn't it? Yeah, it's just such a bright corner of the internet and that's very rare to find. I agree.

Deb:

Yeah, I feel like we're all just in the same boat. Nothing is talked about besides just this. You know nothing to divide us. We're just encouraging one another to be alcohol-free or to try alcohol-free living or alcohol-free drinks.

Lilly:

Yeah, Exactly, and I think you meet someone in the community and you sort of instantly have something, some shared experience of some sort.

Deb:

Totally Okay, yeah, so let's talk more, I guess, just about the importance of community and how that's impacted your journey and who you've connected with Not maybe who, but who, what channels have you been a part of that have been really encouraging to you. Besides Instagram.

Lilly:

Yeah, I think it's mostly Instagram, honestly, mostly Instagram. I think that one of the more unexpected and probably the most rewarding thing about quitting drinking was how many people sort of came out of the woodwork, so to speak, and who my story resonated with or who were also thinking about quitting or who wanted to. You know, chat about mocktails, like here I am at a party, you know, practicing my line, nervous about you know, like, oh no, I'm not drinking tonight. You know, I just I'll stick with this, like whatever. And then meanwhile, like the person I'm talking to is actually has been thinking about quitting themselves or has been thinking about cutting back, and you know, so I think that I've made a few friendships in my sort of peripheral friend group and my business school class, actually. So a couple of people reached out saying that they're, you know, they're struggling and now we go get mocktails together. So, like that kind of community that has presented itself has been really wonderful. And then my sister, of course. She's my sober goddess and guiding light.

Deb:

Amazing. Now does she drink mocktails? I know many people in like AA don't or there's kind of like mixed. Now Is it kind of changing a little bit maybe I mean, I think in aa it's like pretty.

Lilly:

I'm sure everyone has different your preferences. She'll drink mocktails, she. She doesn't drink the non-alcoholic wines and spirits, um, because they're too, you know, triggering and and that works for her. But like she'll definitely drink mocktails, she loves kombucha. We're always like trading our different flavors and, like you know, oh, gratitude is in the store, which is the, you know, synergy. Gratitude is in the stores. We'll text each other.

Deb:

Yeah, oh, that's so awesome. Oh, I love that, yes.

Lilly:

Like the seasonal flavors. Yeah, I'm getting you.

Deb:

Yeah, I'm getting you five bottles, yes, yeah, go grab some yourself. That's so awesome. I love that Like tag teaminging, let's make sure we get it while it's out. The seasonal flavors, exactly Okay. So when you're out and about, so you're in New York, so there must be. I mean, does every restaurant now have mocktails on the menu? I mean I'm in Kentucky, we don't. Yeah, we're still in a horse and buggy out here, I know.

Lilly:

We're very lucky, the Zero Proof menu is pretty ubiquitous here in New York, which is great, so it's really fun to see what bars are doing and the fact that you can tell also when a bar is excited about it or a bartender is excited to make you something non-alcoholic.

Deb:

Okay, if they don't have something on the menu, what do you like to ask them to make for you? Do you have them make you a little mocktail, or what do you like to order I?

Lilly:

have a couple of go-tos. My go-to is probably soda water, splash of grapefruit and a lime, and then if they can do like a tajin rim, like the spicy salty with rim, I'll do that. So I think it's good to always have like just a go-to in your head because someone doesn't have the menu, Like it's just safer. But then I also like to you know, if there's no non-alcoholic menu, just look at the cocktail menu and see what ingredients they have and go from there. And then ginger beer. Ginger beer and ginger kombucha are just our saviors.

Deb:

Right, so good, so good. I did not know, I don't think I'd had. No, I'd had one mule in my whole life before I stopped drinking and like, yeah, ginger beer and mules have just become like the new. Bff. Yeah, they're so good, it's so good, yeah, so delicious. Okay, so can I ask you some of your favorites? I know it's hard to say. It's probably like who's your favorite child. I know right now your favorite child is the little boy, you're growing.

Deb:

He's growing. He's kicking you. Has he been quiet while we've been talking, or is he kicking?

Lilly:

He's been quiet while we've been talking. He's generally I hear my mom.

Deb:

I hear her Okay, so do you have.

Lilly:

Like I'm not a big beer drinker, so I never was. I like Heineken, but just like a basic standard.

Deb:

Great, great, and it's easy to find in a lot of places A lot of people already have that. Okay, how about like a 9 o'clock wine? You mentioned the Naughty Chardonnay, which I was a Chardonnay girl.

Lilly:

Okay, Naughty is one of my favorite the sparkling Chardonnay, some of your Chardonnay, the Zeronimo, I think that's how you say it. It's in a league of its own, I agree.

Deb:

I totally agree.

Lilly:

I'm actually going to a dinner party tonight and I'm going to bring it for some friends to taste test Friends who drink, yeah.

Deb:

Oh, my word, Okay. So are you bringing the Leonis, the red blend, or you're bringing the? Bottle of the Leonis right, is that what it's called? I think, yeah, I'm looking down here because I have two of the bottles. I saved the bottles. I drank it, but I saved the bottles, so they're like I have to keep this. This is. It's really good. Yeah, any last minute tips or encouragement you would give to somebody who's maybe just maybe they're doing dry January, encouragement and advice you have for them.

Lilly:

Yeah, I would say, have lots of options on hand. You know like, don't be afraid to show up to a party with. I've been known to have a purse mocktail. So this brand, ghia, does a really good like little mini can and it's very complex and has a bite similar to like an Aperol or Campari. I love to keep one of those in my purse. But just have a game plan. Have a, you know, recite your drink at a bar, you know, if you should like, even if you're a dive bar, just like you know, soda, water, slosh of crayon, whatever it is. And, you know, prioritize your health. Remember why you're doing this. You can do it, you know, and I think once you get a few weeks in, you really start to see the benefits and feel the benefits and you get mornings back. Mornings are amazing. I was never a morning person. I wouldn't say I am still, I am now, but more of one. I was like okay.

Deb:

Lilly. What's the secret? What's the secret? Because I was not a morning person. I still am not one, Still not one. But at least I'm not miserable in the morning. Yeah right, no more waking up with a hangover right On a Tuesday. Life-changing, yeah, yeah, it is. It's amazing. Yeah, you have time in the evening to do puzzles and you have headspace and you have your mornings. You have your mornings back and your life back. Yeah, I'm so happy for you, I'm so happy to meet you.

Lilly:

Oh, it's so fun to meet you too, deb. You're such a light and you're just so enthusiastic and supportive, and the community would not be the same without you, and just it's an honor to be on your show.

Deb:

That's really, really, really sweet of you. I feel like a little cheerleader for the alcohol-free space or whatever, and I was a cheerleader in high school. I wish I could still fit into my cheerleading uniform. I'd put it back on for everybody, but instead I'm in my denim shirt. I'm never taking it off.

Lilly:

It's your new cheerleader outfit.

Deb:

It's my outfit. Yes, it's my uniform, Lilly. Thank you so much. Okay, everybody, make sure you're following Lilly on Instagram and TikTok. Mocktails with Lily L-I-L-L-Y with three L's, not two. There you go. Big time cheers, you guys. We'll talk to you guys soon. Big time cheers to you for tuning in to the Thriving Alcohol-Free Podcast. I hope you will take something from today's episode and make one small change that will help you to thrive and have fun in life without alcohol. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please share it with others, post about it on social, send up a flare or leave a rating and a review. I am cheering for you as you discover the world of non-alcoholic drinks and as you journey towards authentic freedom. See you in the next episode.