Thriving Alcohol-Free with Mocktail Mom

Embracing the Empty Nest: A Journey of Change

• Season 2 • Episode 121

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In this episode, Deb Podlogar shares her personal journey of transitioning into an empty nester, reflecting on the emotional challenges and adjustments that come with this new phase of life. She discusses the importance of reframing grief and embracing change, drawing inspiration from John O'Leary's insights on goodbyes and new beginnings. Deb emphasizes the value of cherishing past moments while looking forward to new relationships and experiences, particularly in the context of her alcohol-free journey and evolving family dynamics.

Takeaways

Deb shares her experience of becoming an empty nester.
The transition to an empty nest can be unexpectedly challenging.
Maintaining communication with loved ones can ease the adjustment.
Reframing goodbye can help in coping with change.
Celebrating past moments is essential in the grieving process.
Goodbyes are invitations to grow and embrace new beginnings.
The importance of savoring ordinary moments in life.
Transitioning into new relationships can be enriching.
Deb reflects on her alcohol-free journey and its impact on her life.
Looking forward with excitement can soften feelings of grief.


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Speaker 1:

Okay, hey friends, it's Deb. Welcome back to Thriving Alcohol-Free with Mocktail. Mom, how are you? I'm so happy you're here. Happy September, what an exciting time. What an exciting time of the year. Like, like, here we go. The end of the year is coming. I know it's not officially fourth quarter yet of the year, but it feels like that. I think that's just that, like the bus, the school buses are in the neighborhoods, kids are back to school. You know, it just feels, I don't know, september has such a special magical feeling.

Speaker 1:

I think this year is a little sad in our household. I am officially an empty nester. Larry and I are at home alone. We do still have Coco and she's having problems. She's aging, she's limping, just like her mother. So I get shots every three months. Coco is now getting a shot every month. So the two of us are having trouble walking, but we are making it and doing just fine. So we still have our baby Coco here at home, but we are officially empty nesting and I thought it was going to be a lot of tears on my part.

Speaker 1:

I mean, I feel like I was preparing for the grief that was coming. The grief was coming and I was experiencing that. You know, from like little senior picture last year to you know, get it, then getting official pictures done and you know the yearbook picture on the official pictures and then just everything. You know, everything felt like, oh my gosh, this last time she's going, oh this last time we're doing this, and and then it's like the date of, like her moving in we moved her in August 15th. It just felt like this date on the calendar was just looming all year and I have to say, coming home, I thought it was going to be a mess. I really thought it was going to be a mess. I have not been a mess and I will tell you guys why. And I'm going to tell you guys I'm not saying this on social media because Lily is on Instagram and I don't want her to see this because there's nothing wrong with what's going on but it's been really, really, really hard for her and nothing in particular like classes are great.

Speaker 1:

Her roommate's amazing. I mean really such a sweet girl that she's rooming with Her sister. My older daughter, hannah, lives very close to her. I mean like three minutes away. I think she's two miles from the school or something. They're super close. They're close as good friends and sisters, but they're also like close physically now. So that's so nice, they get to get together.

Speaker 1:

But sometimes a life change like going to college isn't what you expected, how you'd feel, and she's going through that. So I've been on the phone with her or FaceTiming or texting hundreds of times a day so I haven't had a lot of time to grieve because I've been so busy talking all the time. So, anyway, it's all fine, everything's good. It's just much more of a transition or like an adjustment, I guess is the right word than I think any of us expected. I knew it was going to be like wow, she likes her schedule, my Lil, she's like the schedule queen, unlike her mother. Anyway, all that to say.

Speaker 1:

There's been a lot going on here, but I'm so excited to be back podcasting. This is my first episode, kind of officially, for season two, which is so ironic because my first season, my first go around of seasons I guess you want to call it because I never really took a break was like 120 episodes. So we're going to call it now season two, since I took like a four month break from podcasting. So I'm officially calling this season two. We're kicking it off.

Speaker 1:

Just us today here in the podcast to have a little chit chat about changes in life and how, like you know, one season ends and you grieve it and then moving into a new season of life. So maybe that's where you are right now. Maybe a season of life for you has just ended, maybe you're like me, maybe you're a new empty nester, and it's like what is going on and it is. It's really a huge adjustment. Even when you do FaceTime and text and call on the phone a hundred times a day, it's still a big adjustment. Okay, but I want to share.

Speaker 1:

So I'm going to, we're going to talk about that today and I want to tell you guys a little bit about I feel like I'm like a teacher right now, like let's have some announcements. You guys want some announcements. Can I tell you what's happening? Uh, this is what's going. Well, you already know, taylor Swift got engaged. I don't think Larry even knows yet. I don't talk to him about that kind of stuff, but he doesn't care. I don't think he even knows, okay. So, um, uh, what I was going to tell you. Uh, in the shop I you want to grab six of my favorite cans of deliciousness are available. There's some extra little treats in there. There's a Christmas ornament. So cute, cute, cute. A little Christmas ornament is included in that box, so I'll put a link to that so you guys have that if you would like it.

Speaker 1:

And then in October I'm going to run a mocktail challenge. We're going to do a little sober Octobering together, just doing a mocktail challenge. So more details will be coming out about that, but I wanted to let you guys know only my members. So shout out to all the ladies of the Mocktail Social Club. They already know this is coming. But now you guys, as listeners of the podcast, know that the Mocktail Challenge is coming and I would love for you to be a part of it. It's going to be so much fun. There's going to be daily emails and then we're going to have a weekly happy half hour and make a drink together and there's going to be like little challenges. Imagine that the mocktail challenge is going to have challenges. That sounds so silly to say. I don't really know how to rephrase that. Though there are going to be challenges within the challenge, there's going to be little mini challenges. That's what I should say. Mini challenges, like weekly challenges within the mocktail challenge, that's Uh, what, oh, what am I writing here?

Speaker 1:

Oh, I can't read my own writing. This is dangerous. I need to type these notes up. What is wrong with me? Um, all right, let's talk about what we're here to talk about today, and that is transitions of seasons of life.

Speaker 1:

There is a gentleman that I follow on Instagram. I actually get hit, well, I think, on FaceTime, or FaceTime on Facebook is where I follow him. I guess I follow him on Instagram. I don't know. I normally see his stuff on my Facebook page for whatever reason. I don't know why it comes up on there. I don't know about you guys, but Facebook seems like everything is an ad or like suggested for you, whatever. This is one guy that actually shows up, that I do follow, and he shows up in my feed and I'm really grateful. I'll put the link to his Facebook here in the show notes. It's John O'Leary, live Inspired, and I want to encourage you guys because I'm on his email list and I got an email from him about a week or so after Lily went off to school and it really encouraged my heart. So I'm going to share part of it with you, kind of verbatim, and then maybe just share some of my thoughts too, as well, obviously, but I want to read a little bit of it too, because it's so encouraging. It's so encouraging, so encouraging, and I want your heart to be encouraged, so that's why we're here.

Speaker 1:

He is a phenomenal guy. When he was nine years old, though, he was burned on 100% of his body. His book is called On Fire. I think it came out in like 2016. I read his book. I made Lily read his book a couple of years ago, but he's got a movie coming out, so you will hear of him. If you have not heard of John O'Leary yet, you will hear of him, because he has a movie coming out this fall. It's called Soul on Fire, so I definitely am going to see that. But if you haven't read his book, I highly recommend it. Called On Fire. He was burned 100% of his body when he was nine years old and 87% of those burns were third degree burns. He's a walking miracle and he is.

Speaker 1:

I heard him speak once and he's just embodies every wonderful characteristic of all the people you love the most in life. I mean, he's just kind, so empathetic, caring, joyful, seeing the glass half full, seeing the best in people, seeing the possibilities for others. He's just an absolutely phenomenal person and I can't wait to share this, a little bit of this email that I got from him, because it was so encouraging to my heart. So basically this email because his oldest son is headed back to college. So you know, you're like missing that one child that you know. His oldest is going back to college, he's got two more boys who are in high school and then his youngest daughter is going into her final year of middle school.

Speaker 1:

So he's feeling like changes of life in that time of like saying goodbye again, you know, and and just how to reframe saying goodbye. So I want all of us today to reframe how we're saying goodbye. So here's a couple of the things that he shared. He said instead of seeing these next steps as the closing of something beautiful, I'm choosing to view every previous chapter as gifts preparing us for this moment. So I certainly feel like the times with my daughters and raising them and being a mom I mean, I'm still a mom, but being a mom with them in the house and having them here at home, it's wonderful, wonderful chapters of my life but it's preparing us for this moment and for the future. So he says he's choosing to recognize that losing loved ones and launching little ones is not an ending but a beautiful, even if painful and unwanted evolution in life.

Speaker 1:

And the way we say goodbye doesn't shape how others move into the future. It shapes how we do in ours. So how the way we say goodbye doesn't shape how others move into their future, so it's not changing anything right now for a little. We say goodbye doesn't shape how others move into their future, so it's not changing anything right now for a little how I move into my future, but it does shape how I move into mine. So how do I make that pivot?

Speaker 1:

He says, number one we start by naming what we're grieving or letting go of. Name what we're grieving or letting go of, not just the passing of time but the moments we treasured. So for him he says, the chaotic breakfast, the soccer practices, dinners around the table, late night talks. I mean for me it'd be like running errands with Lily. You know, having Coco with us in the car and her sitting in the car with the air conditioning on and me running into the store or something, or vice versa. You know Lily run this into the UPS store. You know mail, this package. You know we do things like that together, watching TV late at night together or in the evening and just hanging out. So so many little things like that.

Speaker 1:

But number two, he says we then shift from naming those things to rejoicing that they happened at all. So really rejoicing and being so thankful. Like for me, I'm so thankful. I don't want to just be sad that I don't have those things right now. I don't want to be just sitting in my grief that that season of life is over, but I do. I do feel such joy and gratitude that those things even happened that this time I even had this time with Lil and with Hannah when she lived at home.

Speaker 1:

So he says, in life's rush we often miss the chance to celebrate the profound blessing of ordinary moments. Goodbyes give us the chance to pause and honor the gifts we've been given, so true. Next he says, number three we anchor ourselves in the present and let it hold our full attention. We savor the joy of carrying memories forward while watching new ones take shape. We marvel at how little hands we once held now reach for their own dreams and we treasure the privilege to be a steady, trusted presence in their lives. So good, he says, when he said we marvel at how little hands we once held.

Speaker 1:

Oh, my goodness, I can remember. I mean Lily. She's adopted. I have two girls, but Lily's my biological. Lily's adopted. It doesn't matter to me, they're both 100% mine.

Speaker 1:

But all that to say, I just remember her foster mom, actually in China, handing her to me and her little tiny hands. She was a year and one week the day that she was handed to me and she was so tiny. She was the size of a newborn. I mean, she was the size of like a. She was wearing zero to three months with the clothes that we were putting on her. She was so teeny, teeny, tiny, but those little hands that we once held. Now she is reaching for her own dreams and you know, as hard as it can be, as difficult as it can be, she is doing it and I just really treasure the privilege of being a part of her life. Even now, I'm so grateful that she would even be wanting to talk to me a hundred times a day call, text, facetime, do whatever you need to do. I want to be a presence in your life and continue to be your mom. Okay, number four, he says. And finally, we look forward with excitement to what's next, he says the promise of a new day, the beginning of a new kind of relationship, a deepening of life's purpose, a rediscovery of who we are outside of who we've been in the past.

Speaker 1:

No, sadness won't vanish immediately. It will, however, soften when paired with celebration. So whether you're standing in a doorway thrilled they're leaving, or crying in the car after drop-off, remember this the ache of goodbye is proof that you've loved deeply and that the love isn't ending. It's simply taking a new shape. Every goodbye is also a quiet invitation, an invitation to grow, to dream again, to see life from a fresh angle. It's a chance to step into the next chapter, not just as who you've been, but as who you're becoming. It won't be like the good old days, but maybe, just maybe, it could be even richer. But maybe, just maybe, it could be even richer, fuller and more beautiful than you've dared to imagine. So right now I want you to envision your future, this next chapter. It might be even richer, more fuller, more beautiful than you could even imagine. And I feel that way. I feel that way about my alcohol-free journey.

Speaker 1:

I never could have imagined in a million years. I thought it was going to be drudgery. You guys, I thought it was going to be horrible. I could not imagine an evening without alcohol or without at least wanting to pour a glass of wine, even if I didn't. Actually, I couldn't imagine this life right now and how full it has become. It's become so full by connecting with you guys, connecting in happy hours at the Mocktail Social Club and with others. It's been amazing. None of this would have ever happened if I was still drinking. None of this would have ever happened and I couldn't have imagined it.

Speaker 1:

And now I look in the same way with my girls, like this next chapter of life, this chapter of life where I get to become more of their friend. I mean, I feel like we've had, we've had wonderful, we have wonderful relationships, but I haven't tried to be a mom who's like their, their friend. You know, I've like been a mom, we've definitely had a lot of fun times, but I feel like now I get to be more of a of a friend and their mom. And this is a new stage of life and I want to look forward to it with excitement and lean into it with joy and not just feel the grief and it is. There is a grieving time, obviously. It's a big change in life, but there's good things to look forward to. So I'm choosing to reframe my grief, and my grief has been softened, to be honest, by all the phone calls, all the texting and the FaceTiming. So, anyway, lots of love to you guys. I really am sending just so much love to you and I'm here to support you and encourage you Again. The fun's not over. There's still good things to drink. So thank you so much for tuning in Next week.

Speaker 1:

Jen Hurst is here. She's the founder of Sobriety Lighthouse, I think. Or Sober Lighthouse Sobriety, no, lighthouse Sobriety, what is it called? I think it's Lighthouse Sobriety. Anyway, she's incredible. You guys are going to love her.

Speaker 1:

She's our guest next week and then the week after that excuse me is Zane Curtis. He is the owner of what's it called Monday? What's it called Monday Morning Bottle Shop? It's out in San Diego. I loved chatting with him. So those two podcasts are already recorded. So I'm back to recording podcasts, making new friends here. Every podcast coming up with a guest is going to include us making a mocktail on screen or in your ear, wherever you're listening or watching the podcast. So the podcast episodes will be up on YouTube so you'll be able to watch there if you want to watch that, or you can just listen in as you maybe have. If you have not done so, please leave a review for the podcast. Please leave a review. It helps other people find the podcast. That's it. Lots of love. Big time cheers. I will talk to you guys next Tuesday. Next Tuesday, that would be September. Where is that? The 9th? 9-9. 9-9. See you guys soon. Lots of love, talk to you later.